So, what are the 6 needs?

1. Certainty/Comfort – Comfort comes from certainty. Of course there is no absolute certainty but we can always try our very best to make sure that we can deliver and provide what is really expected of us.
2. Variety – It’s a normal human need. While we want certainty, we also want uncertainty. We call this “variety”. Imagine how dull our lives would be without variety…
3. Significance – It’s true… Deep down, we all want to be important. We want our life to have meaning and significance and to know that we all matter or are important to another living being on this earth.
4. Connection/Love - No arguments here, we all need love. How deprived would we be without the existence of love? It is the core reason for everything that we do in this life – and of course we also want to feel loved in return.
5. Growth – Growth is inevitable in life. It’s called evolution. To become better, to improve our skills, to be successful, we all need to continuously grow and learn. Growing is a life long process and doesn’t stop when you leave school.
6. Contribution - Everyone has the desire to contribute something of value, if not to humanity then to their loved ones or the people who are closest to them.

No matter how much we have achieved in any area of our lives, true fulfillment can only be found in one thing: the emotional quality of our personal relationships.

Unfortunately, most of us have settled for something that falls below our standards and deepest desires. We all want love, passion, and intimacy yet most of us fill ourselves up with work, friends, sports, food, or causes outside the realm of passion, ecstasy, and intimate love.

The good news is that regardless of your past experience or current relationship, the promise of something deeper, richer and lasting is within your grasp.

Love and Kisses,

Ken & Robin

Rebuilding Relationship

For Christmas, I bought a dictionary and went through it, highlighting all the definitions that describe him or remind me of him.

“Every morning before I get up, he leaves two folded towels in the bathroom for me for when I take a shower — one big towel for my body and a smaller towel for my head.

Aron, who is a professor of psychology at State University of New York (SUNY) Stony Brook, has been researching the impact of love on the brain for three decades.

Several years ago he and longtime pain researcher Sean Mackey, MD, PhD, began talking at a neuroscience conference and conceived the idea for the study.

Mackey is chief of the division of pain management and an associate professor of anesthesia at Stanford University Medical Center in California.

“He was talking about the neural systems involved with love and I was talking about the neural systems involved with pain, and we realized there was a lot of overlap,” Mackey says.

They recruited couples in the first few months of romantic relationships for the study by posting notices around Stanford University. The researchers specifically focused on the euphoric, obsessive phase of early love rather than more mature romantic relationships.

“Our subjects fit into this category of recklessly, widely, passionately in love, and it was the easiest recruiting we ever did,” Mackey tells Rebuilding Relationships. “The fliers asked ‘Are you in love?’ and within hours we had a dozen couples beating on our doors.”

The hypothesis was that love affected the brain in the same way many addictive drugs do, by targeting the “feel good” chemical in the brain known as dopamine. This reward system has also been shown to be critical in pain management.

One? Two? Twenty? How about 200? Some college students have cited as many as 237 different reasons for having sex.

From pleasure to procreation, insecurity to inquisitiveness — today’s reasons for taking a roll in the hay seem to vary as much as the terms for the deed itself. A 2010 Sexuality & Culture review of sex motivation studies states that people are offering “far more reasons for choosing to engage in sexual activity than in former times.” And we’re doing it more often, too. It is a stark contrast from historical assumptions, which tend to cite only three sexual motivators: To make babies, to feel good, or because you’re in love.

Today, sexual behaviors seem to have taken on many different psychological, social, cultural, even religious meanings. Yet, some sexologists say, at the most basic level, there is only one true reason people seek sex.

Wired for Sex

“We are programmed to do so. Asking why people have sex is akin to asking why we eat. Our brains are designed to motivate us toward that behavior,” says Richard A. Carroll, PhD, a sex therapist and associate professor in the department ofpsychiatry and behavioral sciences at Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine.

The idea that humans are hard-wired for sex reflects an evolutionary perspective, says Elaine Hatfield, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of Hawaii and author of that 2010 review examining sexual motives from cross-cultural, historical, and evolutionary viewpoints.

“Evolutionary theorists point out that a desire for sexual relations is ‘wired in’ in order to promote species survival,” she tells WebMD in an email. “Cultural theorists tend to focus on the cultural and personal reasons people have (or avoid) sex. Cultures differ markedly in what are considered to be ‘appropriate’ reasons for having or avoiding sex.”

What’s Your Motive?

Why do you seek sex? Motivations generally fall into four main categories, according to psychologists at UT-Austin, who asked more than 1,500 undergraduate college students about their sexual attitudes and experiences.

• Physical reasons: Pleasure, stress relief, exercise, sexual curiosity, orattraction to a person.
• Goal-based reasons: To make a baby, improve social status (for example, to become popular), or seek revenge.
• Emotional reasons: Love, commitment, and gratitude.
• Insecurity reasons: To boost self-esteem, keep a partner from seeking sex elsewhere, or because of a feeling of duty or pressure (for example, a partner insists on having sex).

The Difference Between the Sexes

Generally speaking, men seek sex because they like how it feels. Women, although they very well may also derive pleasure from the act, are generally more interested in the relationship enhancement aspects of sex. Researchers describe these differences as body-centered versus person-centered sex.

• Body-centered sex is when you have sex because you like the way it makes your body feel. You are not really caring about the emotions of your partner.
• Person-centered sex is when you have sex to connect with the other person. You care about the emotions involved and the relationship.

By Kelli Miller Stacy
WebMD Feature

Our homes are full of plastic, and the kitchen is no exception. The problem: Chemicals in plastic containers and other kitchenware may leach into thefoods or drinks that they’re holding. Scientific evidence suggests that some of these chemicals may be harmful to people, especially infants and children.

The two best-studied offenders are bisphenol A (BPA) and phthalates. BPA mimics estrogen and has been shown to disrupt hormone and reproductive system function in animals. Research by the National Toxicology Program found a moderate level of concern about its “effects on the brain, behavior and prostate gland in fetuses, infants and children.” Phthalates have been shown to disrupt the endocrine system and have led to malformations in the male reproductive system in animals. Studies in humans have found associations between high phthalate exposure and a variety of health concerns including low sperm quality, high waist circumference and insulin resistance.

1. Know the code. Look on the bottom of your plastic to find the recycling symbol (a number between 1 and 7 enclosed in a triangle of arrows). The code indicates the type of plastic you are using and can give you important clues about safety. “We generally say 1, 2, 4 and 5 are considered to be the safest,” says Sonya Lunder, senior analyst at the Environmental Working Group. Try to avoid using plastics with 3 or 6, as these leach chemicals that may be harmful. Number 7 is an “other” category that includes BPA-containing plastics called polycarbonates. These plastics, which you should avoid, will have the letters PC printed underneath the 7.

2. Reconsider the microwave. Heat can increase the rate at which chemicals like BPA leach from plastic. Containers labeled “microwave safe” have been tested by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) and found to leach extremely small amounts, which the FDA has determined to be safe. However, some experts advise people to keep plastic out of the microwave altogether. “I don’t microwave anything in plastic,” says Lunder. “It’s really easy and fast to put my food into a ceramic or glass container and heat it that way.” And never put plastic wrap on top of your food in the microwave, since it can melt. Use wax paper or a paper towel instead.

3. Use it for its intended purpose. Plastics that are designed for single use should only be used once. “Plastic breaks down over time,” Lunder explains. “Some aren’t designed to withstand heating and cooling.” Most plastics with recycling code number 1 are intended for single use, such as disposable water bottles. And that takeout container from six months ago? Toss it. In general they’re fine for refrigerating leftovers, but aren’t designed for heat exposure or long-term use.

4. Wash by hand. Only put plastics into the dishwasher if they have a dishwasher safe label. If you want to be extra-cautious, wash all plastics by hand or use only glass and ceramic plates and dishes. In the dishwasher, plastics are exposed to detergents and heat, which may accelerate the leaching of BPA from food containers.

5. Do not freeze. Only put plastics in the freezer if they have a freezer-safe label. Freezer temperatures can cause plastics to deteriorate, which increases the leaching of chemicals into the food when you take containers out of the freezer to thaw or reheat.

6. Don’t panic. Cutting down on exposure to potentially harmful chemicals in plastics can benefit your health. But as Dr. Halden reminds us, “Many things in your life pose a much higher risk than exposure to plastics, such as smoking, poor dietand even driving a car.”

Sex, Health and Rebuilding Relationship: Stay Healthy

With Love and Respect…Rebuilding Relationship..

Ken and Robin